Until recently, here was my experience as a human: I was born on November 26, 1968 in Batesville, AR. As a young lad I was fortunate to have both of my wonderful parents around to take care of me and make sure I was fed, bathed, and full of food and fun. As I got older, my idealistic views kept me just on the fringe of trouble and harm. My college years were not quite as bad as animal house. Next thing you know I am happily married with a couple young lads under my care...Until Labor Day Weekend 2008 that has been the whole thing in a very tightly packed nutshell.
It was our maiden weekend up at the 'Lectric Duck in Lynn, AR. We spent our days on the Spring, Black, and Strawberry Rivers, swimming, fishing, laughing, and splashing. Our nights consisted of watching the Cardinals, playing poker (using roofing tacks and shotgun shells for chips), playing checkers, and all sleeping in one bedroom. It was there, that I realized what had been going on.
My mom and dad had been on vacation back in Eastern Tennessee where our family first took roots in the United States. Dad came into my office the week before we went to Lynn with lots of old family photos and documents, family stories and history. I enjoyed them all. While we were we going to put the boat into the black river that weekend, I saw an old photo on the wall in a baitshop that depicted a family on barge on the Black River in the 20's. I believe my mind had already begun to perceive the hidden truth. It is all about perception really.
We were all closed in the one bedroom that currently has air conditioning and a TV watching channel eight. Parker was commenting on how he loved that little 13" 1980-something TV. He thought is was the coolest thing and wanted it for his room. I said, "You know. When I was a kid, we had one little window unit air conditioner in my parents room and that little TV. In the summer, I would sleep on a cot in there and my little sister would sleep with my mom and dad. We spent every hot night of the summer that way until fall for at least a couple of years. We would watch channel eight and never miss Little House on the Praire or Star Trek late at night. We would stay up talking and laughing until we fell asleep one by one just like we are now." Then it hit me.
I had always wondered if there were some secrets that adults knew and shared amongst themselves...some great enlightenment meant only for those of a certain age that would make all things clear and raise reason from youthful bliss. Turns out I was about half right. I saw the circle of life there as I watched my family sleep. I saw all the life, love, and joy that my parents had sown in me grow, go to seed, and there it was again pushing its way up through the rows of time.
The secret, at least part of it, the part that can be spoken, is the realization of the privilege of life. The chance to take part in it, to bear it, to pass it on and knowing it all the while. That is as close I can come to verbalizing this "adult secret" that I had always known must exist but almost given up on. The rest, the bulk of it, the best of it, like all of the true secrets of life, is one that you never tell anyone. This secret is safe because it can not be told, only lived or perhaps shared in a knowing glance in our fathers' eye.
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